Serving Hohenwald, Lewis County Tennessee Since 1898
Serving Hohenwald, Lewis County Tennessee Since 1898
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The venerable comic strip “Gasoline Alley” is wrapping up a storyline in which the dastardly assistant mayor schemed to change the town’s name from Gasoline Alley to the ostensibly more modern Electric Acres (without even offering a compromise such as Hybrid Hollow). Sentimentality saved the day in the funnies, just as it usually applies the brakes to abrupt municipal name changes in the real world. (“I have no idea which jurist, general or fur trader our town was named for. Neither did my fath...
Bathroom floor tiles that weigh you, analyze your gait and evaluate your fall risk. Bathroom mirrors that initiate telehealth conferences based on your complexion or facial tics. Toilet seats that check your vitals (temperature, heart rate, oxygenation). According to the Wall Street Journal, these marvels (and others -- such as self-cleaning capacities and soothing infrared light) could be commonplace in upscale homes within the next decade. If so -- and if the restraining orders expire so I...
During my career as a late-in-life columnist, I have been blessed with the opportunity to chronicle three birthdays ending in zero. (My so-called “good” cholesterol has not exactly overperformed in helping me reach these milestones. It usually “phones in” its duties, and even then apologizes, “Sorry, driving into a dead zone here” an awful lot of the time.) It’s six years until another “big” birthday; but as a Beatles fan, I have eagerly anticipated writing this essay about the fast-approaching...
A recent Wall Street Journal article provided food for thought about the decibel levels in restaurants. According to the article, in 2023, audio data from the app SoundPrint found that 63 percent of restaurants are too loud for conversation. (Granted, this is a blessing in disguise if the conversation veers toward “SoundPrint? You told me your phone doesn’t have enough space for photos of my trip to the International Lint Museum, but you have room to download SoundPrint????”) My father hated...
You probably have quite a few co-workers with whom you exchange chitchat, banter and superficial observations on current events. (“I fervently believe both Hamas and Putin could be nullified simply by … oooo…fresh Krispy Kremes! Never mind.”) And then there are the “work spouses.” According to a 2006 survey, 32 percent of workers said they had an “office husband” or “office wife.” (That’s about one-third the number who viewed the HR department as their “office mother-in-law,” but tha...
Well, THOSE eagerly anticipated revelations certainly crashed and burned. You may recall that last summer a former intelligence officer told Congress that Uncle Sam maintains a covert stockpile of downed alien spacecraft and corpses. (“Doesn’t he look unnatural?”) But now a wide-ranging report by the Defense Department’s All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO) declares there is zero reasonable evidence of a secret program to recover dead extraterrestrials and reverse-engineer their technol...
You probably crave a break from my patented “sour grapes” routine, but we must face facts: spring break (a.k.a. Easter break, a.k.a. mid-term break, a.k.a. “unwind, rejuvenate, have fun, but don’t forget how oppressed you are, students”) is not the same for every family. When I was in elementary school, spring break meant making an extra day trip visit to my grandmother, tagging along to another antique shop with my mother or stocking up on books at the library. High school? My job at the conve...
As a writer, I can’t deny harboring an appreciation for the richness of slang, metaphors, similes and colloquialisms. And yet…there’s something not quite rational about the agitators who force our language to evolve. (“Come on, participle! Crawl up on dry land! That gerund is beating you!”) There is an undisputed utility to manufactured terms such as “gerrymander,” “carpetbagger” and “flyover country”; but other linguistic innovations have been more frivolous. (Society’s onetime fascination wit...
“I accept full responsibility.”’ In your lifetime you’ve doubtless heard umpteen public figures (elected officials, bureaucrats, corporate executives, celebrities) promise, “I accept full responsibility” after some manifestation of corruption, incompetence or social injustice comes to light. (And if you’ve ever witnessed your CAT insinuate, “I accept full responsibility,” you need to take full responsibility for the potency of the weed you’re smoking.) The first dozen times you heard this, you...
I’m guessing my brother-in-law was underwhelmed by the recent earth-shattering announcement from ESPN, Fox and Warner Bros. Discovery. I mean, he’s the family member who posted a Facebook meme of Snoopy joyously dancing under the headline “This is me not caring about the Super Bowl.” Back to the trio of media powerhouses: in case you haven’t heard, they announced an as-yet-unnamed joint streaming service app that would provide programming content from all the major sports leagues, plus coll...
What an amazing coincidence! Two days after Apple released its much-ballyhooed Vision Pro contraption, Joni Mitchell gave her first Grammy Awards performance. It’s a coincidence because someday hordes of Vision Pro devotees will doubtless be warbling, “I’ve looked at life from no sides now/Tripped over something, might be a cow…” Surely you’ve heard of Vision Pro. Apple insists on calling it a “spatial computer,” but reviewers tend to describe it as something like “a mixed reality headset t...
While struggling to find a suitable angle for this Valentine’s Day essay, I lucked upon some “Reader’s Digest” clickbait. The article talked about psychologist Arthur Aron’s 1997 study, in which he brainstormed 36 questions (including “What would constitute a ‘perfect’ day for you?”) that can theoretically accelerate intimacy between two strangers (or rekindle romance in long-term relationships). Bravo. People typically do an awful job when left to improvise. First dates tend to be characterized...
Are truancy officers about to get help in fighting absenteeism? According to the New York Post, the Ohio legislature is considering a bipartisan pilot program that would make cash transfers to select kindergarten and ninth-grade students if they show up a whopping 90 percent of the time. (One of my friends remarked that the $1.5 million project is called a pilot program because it makes as much sense as a beagle flying a WW I Sopwith Camel. But I digress.) Schools have exhausted other methods...
Despite my best preventive measures, I have spent decades enduring “the stillgottas.” If you are unfamiliar with the medical terminology, it’s the why-can’t-it-be-terminal-and-give-me-the-sweet-release-of-death condition characterized by perpetually gasping, “I’ve still gotta grab item A and finish project B and clean item C and research the efficacy of an Epi-Pen after absent-mindedly ingesting mystery food D and…” Some guys have a fabulous career releasing their inner drag queen, but all I can...
Without much fanfare (okay, I did write and voice a radio commercial noting the milestone), I recently marked 25 years of my “day job” working for a farmers cooperative. I realize lots of other people have spent at least 25 years with a single employer; but given the impact of mergers, layoffs, obsolete professions, mandatory drug tests, anger management issues and online job listings, our accomplishment is nothing to sneeze at, either. I appreciate the stability and family atmosphere at the...
Oh, for simpler times with fewer adult responsibilities and fewer high-tech distractions! Then I might manage to finish reading two excellent autobiographies (Henry Winkler’s “Being Henry: The Fonz -- And Beyond” and the late Garry Marshall’s “My Happy Days in Hollywood”) before The Big Day. The Big Day? Yes, January 15 marks the 50th anniversary of the premiere of ABC’s nostalgic hit sitcom “Happy Days.” Back in the day, “Happy Days” and its two most successful spin-offs (“Laverne and Shirley...
Okay, maybe I’m approaching this from a position of privilege. One of my earliest memories is of tagging along to my mother’s former grammar school when she voted. Social Studies was one of my favorite elementary school classes. Mr. Lowry’s junior high Civics class taught us about polling, current events and debate skills. I made straight A’s when I minored in Political Science in college. So I’m a wee bit prejudiced when I applaud the arrival of the book “Restoring the City on a Hill: U.S....
“Just when you think it’s safe to be a jerk on the roadway…” Motorists in many cities have grown accustomed to the likelihood of having their license plate photographed if they exceed the posted speed limit and/or run a red light. (Sadly, other motorists are shocked -- shocked, I tell you -- every single time they receive a citation. It’s like we have GOLDFISH behind the wheel of a hot rod! But I digress.) Now New York City and other municipalities are experimenting with noise cameras (sometime...
“The right place at the right time.” I realize that not everyone recognizes Jesus Christ as the Son of God (or even a real person); but for Christians, his birth, ministry, death and triumph over death fit the “right place at the right time” for fulfilling prophecies of the Messiah. Perhaps that is one of the most constructive themes to explore this holiday season and in the coming year: striving to be in the right place at the right time. Common courtesy dictates punctuality and followi...
A course is a course, of course of course … Or is it? According to those madcap bean-counters at the National Golf Foundation, the number of off-course golfers (those going to simulators, driving ranges and entertainment venues such as Topgolf) recently surpassed the number of traditional on-course golfers in the United States. For the sake of full disclosure, I am neither a traditional golfer nor a high-tech golfer. But I do enjoy playing miniature golf with my wife and son when we’re on vac...
I understand some commentators are accusing Target of scoring less than a bullseye in dealing with shoplifters. The retailer encourages the police to help fight inventory “shrinkage,” but insists on “handcuffing” the officers into staging low-key, out-of-sight, super-discreet interactions with the alleged criminals. (“Bad cop has the flu today. We’re playing good cop, ‘won’t you be my neighbor?’ cop.”) A more direct confrontation would supposedly “cause a scene” and generate bad publicity...
Well, that quarter-century went by faster than the weaver’s shuttle! (Almost as fast as younger readers Googling, “What the %$#@& is a weaver’s shuttle?”) As of late October, I have been pounding out a Tyrades! column every week for 25 years without a single break, and with no plans to slow down. Why does someone keep up the weekly grind after more than 1300 columns? Tradition … TRADITION! (Although, if I was a rich man, I’d give a congressman a .. campaign contribution … in return for sl...
One of my co-workers has an autumnal tradition of spending a week of quality time with her dog Alfie around his birthday. Some may find that eccentric, but even she is skeptical of a trend I saw reported in the Wall Street Journal. “Dog birthdays are turning into elaborate social events,” barked the headline. Yes, professional party organizers are raking in megabucks for lavish festivities centered around the anniversary of a dog’s birth or some other canine milestone (the anniversary of the p...
I had forgotten about it, but my father once reminisced about finding elementary-school-aged me habitually “watching” TV with my back turned to the set. He said I explained that I could imagine more interesting scenes in my mind. The real demonstration of my creativity was that I could conjure a more tactful response than “How about springing for a color TV, Ebenezer?” I still have trouble giving the boob tube my undivided attention. My wife and I dearly enjoy certain programs; they are not just...
Kicking and screaming were not involved, but it did take our 19-year-old son Gideon an interminably long time to show an interest in soloing with the drivers license he obtained at age 16. Finally, the reality of walking 20 minutes from his off-campus apartment in inclement weather made him more agreeable to letting us buy him a sensible vehicle. (Also, my over-protective mother has relinquished her habit of squawking, “Don’t let that young’un get splattered all over the road!” every time th...
