Serving Hohenwald, Lewis County Tennessee Since 1898
Serving Hohenwald, Lewis County Tennessee Since 1898
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As Mother’s Day approaches, it is appropriate that we discuss the physical characteristics, personality traits, coping mechanisms, etiquette rules, life ambitions, etcetera that we inherited from our mothers. Let’s discuss it in hushed tones, though. We don’t want Uncle Sam salivating over a new type of inheritance tax. (“Who needs Chinese loans? We’ve got dimples, lasagna recipes and heirloom Tupperware! KA-CHING!”) I inherited my soft spot for stray animals from my mother. And when confro...
“An allergy season so bad you don’t need allergies to feel miserable,” blared the headline in the Wall Street Journal. My own symptoms are relatively mild, but they do exist. I feel your pain. Especially if we get in a tug-of-war and you pull an entire Costco display of apocalypse-size Kleenex down on top of both of us. Even though we all know someone gulping down over-the-counter antihistamines or scheduling a doctor’s visit, statistics for allergy sufferers are probably vastly underst...
At approximately the time this column is uploaded to the syndicate website, I will be attending the funeral of my Aunt Jean. I’m sure the eulogist will wax eloquent about heaven, but I want to nominate Aunt Jean to the Babysitter Hall of Fame. When I was six and my brother Dwight was four, our parents dumped … er, entrusted… us to Aunt Jean while they attended a social event at the local municipal recreation center. A boringly routine assignment, except that as soon as our parents drove away, Dw...
My brother the former Babe Ruth Leaguer remains deeply skeptical of Major League Baseball’s newly instituted pitch clock. He is not alone in regarding the sport’s leisurely pace as an integral part of its charm; but many analysts cheer any attempt to trim the bloated runtime of modern games. “Field of Dreams” leaves older fans misty-eyed, but if you can erect a skyscraper on the field in the time it takes to play a double-header, “America’s Pastime” is not going to hit a homerun with younger...
Folks, “last one in is a rotten egg” applies to more than swimming pools. If you share sleeping quarters with a spouse or Significant Other, I urge you to expedite the toothbrushing process, throw on your PJs or nightie with breakneck speed and be the first person under the sheet. Because the first one in bed apparently has dibs on The Paranormal Pillow. I call it The Paranormal Pillow because it sounds classier than Memory Foam on Steroids. If one partner stays up late doing chores or che...
Right now, the land echoes with songs such as “Power in the Blood” and “Because He Lives,” but past performance assures me that the ditty waiting in the wings is (apologies to Alice Cooper) “God’s Out For Summer.” Yes, countless people (whether unchurched or nominally religious) are counting down the days until Easter goes hopping down the bunny trail for another year. Admittedly, these folks have endured four or five stressful months. Sure, there have been talking snowmen, Cupid and green bee...
“No wife of mine will ever have to work outside the home if she doesn’t want to.” I uttered that cocky, naïve declaration five years before meeting my wife and 11 years before getting married. Cold, hard reality forced us both to bring in paychecks and juggle household duties. (Well, we weren’t always home; sometimes we spied on the rich folks as they enjoyed the decadence of ramen noodles and milk crate furniture.) Today many couples are crunching the numbers and finding ways to survive...
Everyone should do it at least once in their life. Speak on the radio, I mean. While promoting my new book (search for my name on Amazon if you’re curious), I had the honor of being interviewed live (via telephone) on Nashville’s Super Talk 99.7. (Not that I haven’t broadcast live from a studio before. Forty-something years ago, my career as a DJ came to a screeching halt after a single comedy-of-errors weekend. In the weeks following that catastrophe, when the word “frequency” came up locall...
I am definitely a product of the great American melting pot, but on both sides of the family, a Scots-Irish ancestry is prominent (Some distant cousin with too much time on his hands traced my mother’s maternal grandmother’s line back to 1557 in Ireland. But come to think of it, if the distant cousin also had too much Guinness beer in his hands while researching genealogy, the family history may only go back to last August in Antarctica instead. No wonder we’ve never had any reunions.) Under...
I’m heartbroken that cartoonist Scott Adams recently self-destructed -- but hold the presses! This big, beautiful world still has plenty of comic strips to tickle our funny bones. Don’t believe me? I crunched the numbers and realized that on a good day, I read some 138 comic strips and panels! (On a GREAT day, I place some 138 comic strips and panels in a folder marked “Tomorrow,” put on my wife’s favorite mood music, go pantsless like Ziggy and…well, this being a family newspaper, never mind....
I just heard about a local business losing a major customer over a trivial misunderstanding. Most of us hate change and maintain loyalty to a brand or retailer through thick and thin. True, this veers into creepiness in extreme cases, such as refusing to outgrow your old pediatrician. (“But I don’t trust anyone else with my ED issues, doc. Do you happen to have a lollipop and the latest ‘Humpty Dumpty’ magazine to ease my mid-life crisis?”) And I know it’s difficult to relinquish trusted law...
I was saddened to hear of the death of Dr. Glenn Himebaugh, co-founder of the journalism department at my alma mater, Middle Tennessee State University. Although I hadn’t kept in touch with Dr. Himebaugh since graduation 40 years ago, I have to wonder what he thought of the current reality and public perception of the journalism field. Sadly, trust in journalism has been underwater in surveys for at least two decades. Whether you attribute it to bias, hubris or groupthink, newspeople (...
Who needs forensics and gunfire? My wife and I have been catching up on episodes of “The Mysteries of Laura,” the 2014-2016 NBC series starring Debra Messing. Forget murders and chases. The real reason the show resonates with me is because as Laura Diamond juggles the duties of a single mother and police detective, she’s understandably a slob with her car. Yes, my poor Altima gets woefully neglected inside and out. It’s a magnet for the abundant tree sap in my yard and the interior is home to...
Let’s face it: not everyone does Valentine’s Day well. A significant number of people are too unromantic, lazy, cheap or unimaginative to make the best of the occasion. Don’t despair if you fall into one of those categories. Some of the most prominent people in history have been romantic duds. For instance… Philosopher René Descartes, who declared, “I think, therefore I am going to break up with her before I have to buy a Valentine’s Day gift.” King Arthur, who fumed, “Isn’t it enough that I s...
Middle-class philanthropy may be dying. Citing a study released by the Indiana University Lilly Family School of Philanthropy, “National Review” magazine says the share of American households donating to charity nosedived from 66 percent in 2000 to 50 percent in 2018. And only one-third of the decline was directly attributable to economic hardships, with the remainder coming from decreases in interpersonal trust, decline in empathy and an unfortunate “give until it hurts” loophole that lets pe...
According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, the demand for older models in the fashion and cosmetics industries is exploding. Sorry. Perhaps “exploding” is a trigger word. It might give some of the most seasoned models flashbacks of “the rocket’s red glare, bombs bursting in air.” That’s right. When I say “older,” I am not simply referencing hints of gray. Cosmetics juggernaut L’Oréal currently employs Helen Mirren (age 77) and Jane Fonda (age 85), and those celebrities are ju...
It’s an amenity that most consumers take for granted. It’s an amenity that most retailers/professionals grudgingly accept as a cost of doing business. But I simply must salute those businesspeople who provide the miracle of indoor plumbing to their patrons. When traveling or shopping, a restroom can be a lifesaver. We use the euphemism “when Nature calls,” but Nature doesn’t usually phone ahead. It shows up unannounced, kicking the front door in and toting two weeks’ worth of luggage. I...
“Time Enough at Last.” The new year reminds me of that classic “Twilight Zone” episode starring Burgess Meredith as a put-upon bookworm. (No, he wasn’t reading on the wing of an airplane! Get your episodes straight, with “The Twilight Zone Companion,” for Pete’s sake!) True bibliophiles are all the same. Whether our preference is studying the rise and fall of empires or the rise and fall of heaving bosoms, we eagerly anticipate how many volumes we can absorb in the pristine, wide-open next...
I won’t hazard a guess as to whether it achieves immortality like “grassy knoll” or “hanging chads,” but surely the phrase “bomb cyclone storm” will remain in the public consciousness of those who endured its cruelties. We’ll laugh about this someday, but right now an awful lot of Americans have a “single digit” they’d like to give right back to Mother Nature. And we’re not exactly chummy with 2022, which on its way out is taunting us with, “Bet now you wish you had bought the extended warra...
As I write this year-end essay about 2022 trends in food and dining, I must confess that I’m playing catch-up. I have obligations and hobbies, so I wasn’t TECHNICALLY paying attention (i.e., giving a rat’s rump) as 12 months of decadent delights, culinary controversies and avocado abominations unfolded. (“Homo sapiens still ingest food? What about that crazy ‘opposable thumbs’ fad? How long did THAT last?”) Okay, I WAS narrowly focused on one aspect of food. I spent several months attempting to...
When writing advertising copy, I sometimes find myself desperately searching for a zinger of a tag line --and settling for trite admonitions such as “Make this the best hunting season ever” or “Make this the best summer vacation ever.” I despise such capitulations to deadlines, because listeners with terminal illnesses, maxed-out credit cards or fruitless marriage counseling sessions may perceive the sentiments as glib or clueless. Never is the situation more danger-fraught than at Christmas. A...
Saint Nick wasn’t the only man in a red suit that magical Christmas season 50 years ago. On Saturday December 23, 1972, I walked from my house to Sharp’s Drive-In Market and splurged on four 20-cent comic books. One of my selections was heavily influenced by an ad appearing in DC Comics: “Coming in December…DC’s Christmas gift to you! Shazam is coming!” I could scarcely wait to rush home and open my copy of “Shazam!” #1. Unfortunately, my gut reaction upon seeing the interior artwork was, “What...
It has been years since my family last dealt with the “pictures with Santa” pageantry, but Saint Nick impersonators remain an integral part of Christmas for Americans. Parents feel compelled to honor the tradition of dumping tiny tots in Santa’s lap, even if they’re not emotionally ready for the experience. I wish I hadn’t sold my Child Psychology textbook back to the college bookstore, or I would explain why kids who think nothing of sticking a fork in an electrical outlet or inviting...
“Do you mind if we have leftovers?” When my wife poses that question, I always answer, “No, that’s fine,” because (a) I genuinely enjoy leftovers, (b) I don’t want to cause extra trouble for her and (c) I can’t afford the airline tickets to transport a Tupperware container of six-day-old broccoli to all those “starving children on the other side of the world who would give their right arm for a fraction of the food you and your siblings are wasting.” Unless I redeem my “frequent guilt t...
Please pardon me, but I am always overcome by mawkish sentimentality at this time of year. I cannot contain my gratitude. I am thankful for a paycheck and sunsets and modern plumbing and mobility and rainbows and warm clothing and good friends and conjunctions and… I am thankful that I can do anything you can do better, I can do anything better than you – except get $%&# show tunes out of my head. I am thankful for eight-month tick-and-flea collars, because the traumatic monthly sprayings do not...
