Serving Hohenwald, Lewis County Tennessee Since 1898
Serving Hohenwald, Lewis County Tennessee Since 1898
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Are truancy officers about to get help in fighting absenteeism? According to the New York Post, the Ohio legislature is considering a bipartisan pilot program that would make cash transfers to select kindergarten and ninth-grade students if they show up a whopping 90 percent of the time. (One of my friends remarked that the $1.5 million project is called a pilot program because it makes as much sense as a beagle flying a WW I Sopwith Camel. But I digress.) Schools have exhausted other methods...
Despite my best preventive measures, I have spent decades enduring “the stillgottas.” If you are unfamiliar with the medical terminology, it’s the why-can’t-it-be-terminal-and-give-me-the-sweet-release-of-death condition characterized by perpetually gasping, “I’ve still gotta grab item A and finish project B and clean item C and research the efficacy of an Epi-Pen after absent-mindedly ingesting mystery food D and…” Some guys have a fabulous career releasing their inner drag queen, but all I can...
Oh, for simpler times with fewer adult responsibilities and fewer high-tech distractions! Then I might manage to finish reading two excellent autobiographies (Henry Winkler’s “Being Henry: The Fonz -- And Beyond” and the late Garry Marshall’s “My Happy Days in Hollywood”) before The Big Day. The Big Day? Yes, January 15 marks the 50th anniversary of the premiere of ABC’s nostalgic hit sitcom “Happy Days.” Back in the day, “Happy Days” and its two most successful spin-offs (“Laverne and Shirley...
“Just when you think it’s safe to be a jerk on the roadway…” Motorists in many cities have grown accustomed to the likelihood of having their license plate photographed if they exceed the posted speed limit and/or run a red light. (Sadly, other motorists are shocked -- shocked, I tell you -- every single time they receive a citation. It’s like we have GOLDFISH behind the wheel of a hot rod! But I digress.) Now New York City and other municipalities are experimenting with noise cameras (sometime...
“The right place at the right time.” I realize that not everyone recognizes Jesus Christ as the Son of God (or even a real person); but for Christians, his birth, ministry, death and triumph over death fit the “right place at the right time” for fulfilling prophecies of the Messiah. Perhaps that is one of the most constructive themes to explore this holiday season and in the coming year: striving to be in the right place at the right time. Common courtesy dictates punctuality and followi...
A course is a course, of course of course … Or is it? According to those madcap bean-counters at the National Golf Foundation, the number of off-course golfers (those going to simulators, driving ranges and entertainment venues such as Topgolf) recently surpassed the number of traditional on-course golfers in the United States. For the sake of full disclosure, I am neither a traditional golfer nor a high-tech golfer. But I do enjoy playing miniature golf with my wife and son when we’re on vac...
Well, that quarter-century went by faster than the weaver’s shuttle! (Almost as fast as younger readers Googling, “What the %$#@& is a weaver’s shuttle?”) As of late October, I have been pounding out a Tyrades! column every week for 25 years without a single break, and with no plans to slow down. Why does someone keep up the weekly grind after more than 1300 columns? Tradition … TRADITION! (Although, if I was a rich man, I’d give a congressman a .. campaign contribution … in return for sl...
One of my co-workers has an autumnal tradition of spending a week of quality time with her dog Alfie around his birthday. Some may find that eccentric, but even she is skeptical of a trend I saw reported in the Wall Street Journal. “Dog birthdays are turning into elaborate social events,” barked the headline. Yes, professional party organizers are raking in megabucks for lavish festivities centered around the anniversary of a dog’s birth or some other canine milestone (the anniversary of the p...
I had forgotten about it, but my father once reminisced about finding elementary-school-aged me habitually “watching” TV with my back turned to the set. He said I explained that I could imagine more interesting scenes in my mind. The real demonstration of my creativity was that I could conjure a more tactful response than “How about springing for a color TV, Ebenezer?” I still have trouble giving the boob tube my undivided attention. My wife and I dearly enjoy certain programs; they are not just...
Kicking and screaming were not involved, but it did take our 19-year-old son Gideon an interminably long time to show an interest in soloing with the drivers license he obtained at age 16. Finally, the reality of walking 20 minutes from his off-campus apartment in inclement weather made him more agreeable to letting us buy him a sensible vehicle. (Also, my over-protective mother has relinquished her habit of squawking, “Don’t let that young’un get splattered all over the road!” every time th...
When I searched online for potential Halloween-column topics, I encountered innumerable headlines screaming about fun, easy, last-minute homemade Halloween costumes. Who are all the people in desperate need of fun, easy, last-minute homemade Halloween costumes? Did some poor loser overlook all the Hobby Lobby displays and simply forget about the spooky festivities? (“You mean they’re having Halloween again THIS year? I thought it was every 12 years like the .., waddayacallem … presi...
“Are ya haaawngry?” In the 90s, that question by the late Harold Rowland became a running gag after church every Sunday, as he inquired where I, my wife and my parents would be eating. In the future, many people may answer “Are ya haaawngry?” with a shrug and a muffled “Meh.” Investors and food-industry executives are grinding their teeth over anti-diabetic drugs such as Ozempic and Wegovy. The drugs are being used off-label for weight loss and appetite suppression, and so far they seem to be...
“Where’s your Bayer?” I vividly remember that question from my high school job working in a convenience market in my Tennessee hometown. A buxom young lady from out-of-town posed the query and I helpfully directed her to the section of the store showcasing our aspirin, bandages, Merthiolate, etc. She sauntered to the shelves I suggested. Alas, she searched in vain. I clarified the directions. The “last year’s Easter Egg” aura increased. I finally asked, “WHAT was it you said you were looking...
National Newspaper Week (October 1-7) compels me to acknowledge my journalistic catastrophe of fifth grade. Based on my passion for reading Nashville’s two dailies, Miss Bunch handed me the plum assignment of launching a newspaper for our class. I joyously composed articles of my own and proofread the contributions of classmates. Alas, my mechanical ineptitude reared its ugly head and for the life of me, I couldn’t operate the mimeograph! So the project died without its first issue hitting the...
Hot peppers bring tears to my eyes, but so does a family anecdote from my young adulthood. I was living with my parents and slept during the day because I worked graveyard shift. One day my mother and brother brought home some pork barbecue for lunch. They pounced on the delicacy, chortling because I was missing out. (We’re a quasi-functional family, okay?) They should not have accepted the “hot” version of the sauce. Bypassing “4 alarm,” my mother’s mouth went straight to DEFCON 1. Her tongue...
So, now the fuzzy purple critter isn’t the only “grimace” I’ll associate with the McDonald’s chain. “I’m lovin’ it” was assuredly not my gut-level reaction when I read of a 10-year corporate plan to phase out self-serving soda machines in all the restaurants and require customers to request (grovel for) refills at the counter. Consumers should have suspected beverage stations were endangered when one of last year’s Happy Meals contained the proverb “Anything worth doing is worth dragging out fo...
“So, Dan – what are you doing tonight?” After 40-plus years, I can still hear one of my best friends from MTSU asking that dreaded question. No matter how many homework assignments, romantic entanglements and writing deadlines occupied my plate, Jack would invariably cajole me into some series of nerdy antics. I have felt guilty over the decades. Family responsibilities and work responsibilities (and let’s face it – channel-surfing responsibilities) ensured that (a) I drifted away from Jack...
When I was five years old and my father worked for a subdivision developer, the Tyree family was giddily comparing floorplans for constructing a new house on a wooded lot next to our crowded domicile. My mother still owns the wooded lot, but twists and turns of fate (involving two relocations) saw to it that we never built that dream house. And yet, I have no regrets about appreciating a little elbow room. Alas, an article in the Wall Street Journal reveals the impact of spiraling labor costs, s...
Yes, nearly 60 years after discovering “The Dick Van Dyke Show,” I still watch the classic sitcom; but some of the punchlines haven’t held up particularly well. Or maybe I’m the one who hasn’t held up so well. You may recall that gag writer Buddy Sorrell (played by Morey Amsterdam) always made longsuffering “Alan Brady Show” producer Mel Cooley the foil of his rapid-fire baldness jokes. The zingers were HI-larious -- until my early thirties when I abruptly discovered that my luxurious hai...
I realize such headgear has fallen out of style in our self-esteem-obsessed culture, but maybe I should belatedly don a dunce cap. You see, one of my first columns (nearly 25 years ago) was a snarky dismissal of the nascent homeschooling movement. I know at least two nice families who are homeschooling this year, so I wish to offer my apologies. Granted, I, my wife, our son, our parents and our siblings were all products of the traditional public school system. (I didn’t use the term ...
I’ll never get over what the COVID-19 pandemic did to the Ollie’s discount chain. Pre-COVID, on my way to the restroom while shopping, I always sought out the coffee pot that announced sentiments to the effect of “We’ve had a pretty good year. Treat yourself to a free cup.” Pandemic precautions made that simple pleasure go bye-bye. I’m sure many of you share my pain. Others won’t. Despite coffee’s long history and the omnipresence of Starbucks, there is no monolithic way of viewing the coffee ex...
If I could somehow call my father in the Great Beyond, I’d confess that I’m turning into him. I always felt sorry for Dad because inertia took control, and he continued paying a monthly rental fee on his landline phone for years and years after telephone industry deregulation made it possible for consumers to own their unit outright. Well, yours truly has been paying for both wireless service and a seldom-used landline (from a different provider) for an embarrassingly long time. (In my def...
My family will soon take advantage of our state’s tax-free weekend for clothing and school supplies, but none of our hard-earned money will go for distressed clothing. Coincidentally, none of the money we spend at the food court will purchase pre-chewed burritos. Call us rebels. Silly me, I had assumed that America’s fascination with faded/torn/threadbare clothing would be a passing fad; but it seems to have settled in as the New Abnormal, along with backwards baseball caps, droopy pants and...
Sometimes topics simply demand more research than a deadline allows. I couldn’t do justice to this week’s topic, so I’m kicking the can down the road by dishing out another batch of research-free random thoughts. I’ll confess to being impatient with people who pepper conversations with a slavishly recited “They say.” You know, like “They say that for everybody in the world, there’s a double.” I guess their proclamation means every time you see an obituary, a fertile person somewhere is grip...
“Have you seen everything you want to see?” “Yeah. You?” “Me too. Let’s go back home.” That’s a paraphrased version of my parents’ conversation midway through their honeymoon in 1958. Unimpressed by the hype of an out-of-state adventure, they chose to hightail it back to the real world. (The real worlds of 1958 and 2023 are strikingly different. Today’s “reality” is that your new father-in-law offers to chest-feed any future babies. And pull a bitcoin from their ear.) How many of the people...
